Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
