Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
