Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
