i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize