my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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