hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
