Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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