I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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