remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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