Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
