I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize