doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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