I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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