I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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