so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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