youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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