I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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