i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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