my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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