First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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