Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
