as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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