i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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