can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
