i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
