If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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