ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That was an excessively violent trivia night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
that may or may not have been my penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
