I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
