i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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