I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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