I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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