The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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