And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
