cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
