Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You ruined the universe
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
