I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
