You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
