I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
