Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is the high leading the old right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
