So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
