It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
