i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
