Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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