guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize