Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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