I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
