Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
