Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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