Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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