Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will pee on everything he values.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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