shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize