all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
