You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
