sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
