he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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