giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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