Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do vagina's smell?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's shark week go big or go home
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize