piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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