WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
