He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
