I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
