why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
