It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize