somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
