I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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