I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
