If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
