I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize