I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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