My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
