I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
