The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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