I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
