i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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