just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
