i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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