Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
