Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
