I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I AM VODKA MAN
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
