She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
