Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
