It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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