I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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