sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize