I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
