Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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