Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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